Diana Montalion

Resistant rearranger of things

Wake up, Maggie

| 30 June 2018

Initially, this post was a cleverly-titled (see previous) exploration of the first two, exhausting, road trip days. This morning (day three) I was dragged from dreamland at 6:15am by the 7-mos-old puppy barking to go out. Both puppies (is 15 months old still a puppy?) sleep freely in the main space; we sleep behind a closed bedroom door.

Without incident is a miracle. At home, the walls are chewed. If you are cringing at the time, yesterday he woke us up at 5:15, so today we felt gifted with extra sleep.

Instead, this post became a lesson in “be careful what you wish for”. The title has been percolating in my subconscious for two days. While writing in my morning journal (a daily habit, one hour plus coffee), I discovered that “wake up” means “uncover and examine difficult and often shame-inducing, long-standing issues and delusion that are blocking me from going deeper.”

Fuck you, magic title therapy.

The specifics of my inner explorations, the ones pushing their way into the light for weeding, might come out in my publishing. Probably not. My journey is about letting go of shame, fear, harmful patterns of consciousness and my demon secret strategies for staying trapped in Seemed Like Really Good Ideas at the Time. I will likely do that dark work in private. We’ll see.

In public, I will share the fruits of this labor. Today’s fruit: “wake up” is a marvelous goal for a roadtrip! Both the surface meaning “enjoy each morning on the road, even when you’re exhausted” and the deeper meaning “seeing yourself all-too clearly is true freedom.”

Onward!

Meanwhile, now that I’m up: